tonight was a learning experience
i learned 2 things
1) it is not possible to trick yourself into being happy, and
2) there are levels of sadness, and depending on where you measure up, certain experiences that would usually be sad don’t affect you
example: i went to see my sister’s keeper tonight. there’s a part in the movie where the song “feels like home to me” plays…all the way through. this was one of the staple songs in my prior relationship. it took everything i had not to make any noise, but the waterworks were ridiculous. then, at the major tearjerker scene, i felt nothing. if anything, i felt like there was something wrong with me for not feeling the need to cry. it was just blank. if you’ve seen the movie and know what i’m talking about, you know that this is serious. i just didn’t realize how sad i was…which brings me back to the 1st thing i learned tonight…
i promise i’m trying guys
